I would have given you the co-operation of a
clever woman. I would have given you the affection you know I have always
felt. I would have worked, planned, compelled success for you.
But that's over. Ethel is a dear child. I will not stand between you and
Ethel.
Don't pity me. I need no pity. I would endure yesterday and to-day a
thousand times for the sake of the first hour of my beauty. Would I change
now to be like Ethel, to be white putty like Milly--to have your love, or
Ned's? Beauty--I can die with it sooner than drown it in tears.
Don't tell Father. He will suffer; but less than if I went home to eat my
heart out in repinings, to grow old and ugly, cursing the world. I have
lived too long. I am already less beautiful.
If I could destroy the secret! Death, leaving that behind, is crucifixion.
But I was the first, I was the first! That dead face so gray and old--
"Delilah!" it mows at me. I keep my promise! I haven't robbed you, you
shall have your fame! I, too, I shall never be forgotten!
John, take the secret. Keep my word for me. If you doubt the discovery,
try it on an enemy. If you think my sorrow could have been avoided, offer
the Bacillus as a wedding gift to--.
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