I don't know
what I said in reply.
Bellmer's insult has stayed with me and haunted me. I had bearded a
theatrical manager in his den and had been received with kindness and
courtesy. He had even assumed that some things in the profession about
which I was inquiring might be trying to a tenderly reared girl, and that
he ought to give me advice and warnings. But this Thing bearing a
gentleman's repute; this bat-brained darling of a society that I'm not
thought good enough to enter, had insulted me like a boor under my own
roof; and he would probably boast of it like a boor to others as base as
himself! The poverty of it, the grossness of it!
I'm not ignorant, now. I know there's a way open to me--God knows I never
mean to walk on it--but if ever I do go, open-eyed, into what the world
calls wrong to end my worries, it will be at the invitation of one who has
at least the manner of a gentleman!
Sometimes I wonder if I did right about Ned. If he had known that I loved
him, if I had made it plain, if I were even now to tell him all the
truth.--But he said--
I hate him! The whole world's against me, but I won't be beaten! I won't
go back to the farm with Father.
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