If he
comes wooing again, I shall not be so silly as I was the last time.
Strange that I have not seen him. Can he have gone already?
I might do the London season by borrowing from Meg. It would cost a
fortune, and--unless Strathay does propose--perhaps even she wouldn't care
to finance me now.
I wish---
Oh, I wish I could get out of my dreams the ghastly form of Darmstetter,
as I saw him dead at my feet! He haunts me all day long, and all the night
I dream of him!
And I wish I had not broken John Burke's honest heart--how wistful he
looked, as he waited for me at the door of the office and helped me to my
carriage! Perhaps Ned wasn't in the building; perhaps--he may have avoided
me.
I wish I had not brought him sorrow, and I wish--
No, I don't! I just hope Milly is even more wretched than I am!
Father really might mortgage. I could easily pay it back. I wonder I never
thought of that. I'll ask him. I will not take my bills to Judge Baker--to
be lectured on the dodo and on lines of social cleavage--as if any man
could be a match for me.
I'll never go back to Aunt Frank! There is Bellmer, now--and Strathay must
soon return to New York, to sail.
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