A
husband not too impassioned, a fair bargain--beauty bartered for position,
power, for a name in history--that is all there is left to me, now that
love has vanished.
The farm! I couldn't go back, to isolation and dull routine! I told John I
might go abroad. Why not? I might see the great capitals, and in the
splendour of palaces find a fitting frame for my beauty. There may be
salve for heartache in the smile of princes. At any rate, the seas would
flow between me and Ned Hynes.
I had forgotten my ambitions. I'd have said to Ned: "Whither thou goest I
will go;" but if what he feels for me is not love--if in his heart he
hates me for the witchery I've put upon him--
I could go abroad with a title, if I chose. If love lies not my way, there
is Strathay.
How listless I am, turning from my sorrow to write of what to most girls
would be a delight--of that pathetic little figure, toadied and flattered,
but keeping a good heart through it all; of his marked attentions, which I
permit because they keep other men away; of his efforts to see me--for the
Van Dams' position isn't what I imagined it, and we are not invited to
many houses where I could meet him; of Meg's rejoicings over a few of the
cards we do receive.
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