I couldn't even pity her, I was so happy.
I couldn't bear to have the beautiful evening end, and yet I was glad to
go home--to be alone.
When John lifted me from the carriage, his clasp almost crushed my hand;
poor John, how he will feel the blow! I didn't wait to say good-night to
Aunt; I didn't look at Milly, but ran away to my room.
Oh, indeed, the child doesn't love him! Milly knows no more about Love
than I did two months ago. She's bloodless, cold; I do not wrong her. Some
day she will learn what Love is, as I have learned, and will thank me for
saving her from a great mistake. I hope she will!
I have saved myself from the error of my life. I'm not the same woman I
was yesterday. It makes me blush to think how I looked forward to the
adulation of the nobodies at that dance. I care for no praise but his.
Why, I'll go in rags, I'll work, slave--I'll hide myself from every eye
but his, if that will make him love me better. Or I will be Empress of
beautiful women, if that is his pleasure, and give him all an Empress's
love.
I couldn't sleep last night. I know that he could not. I know that he has
been watching, waiting, as I have, for to-day, when he must come to me.
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